I’ll be continuing the food theme with this week’s blog post of another horrible item that should never be consumed by humans. With that being said two of our regular case-mate cast of characters (Ian and Jeremy) plus one brave non-pork eater, Tommie embarked on a quest as challenging as Frodo’s of throwing the ring into a volcano, or Harry and Lloyd’s road trip to Aspen to drop off a suitcase. They made the attempt to ingest the Double Bypass Burger at the Vortex Bar and Grill here in Atlanta.
For those of you that aren’t familiar with the Vortex Bar and Grill and their infamous Double Bypass Burger I’ll fill you in. The Double Bypass Burger consists of 1 pound of sirloin patty, topped with two fried eggs, six slices of American cheese, and eight slices of bacon, all served between the two grilled cheese sandwiches used in place of the regular hamburger buns.
Ian and Jeremy had their sights set on the OG Double Bypass Burger, and Tommie, who doesn’t eat pork, substituted the sirloin for a nice turkey burger.
Before game time I caught up with the guys and asked them a couple pre-game questions.
Going into the Double Bypass Burger (DBB) how are you feeling?
Ian: well I’ve been training pretty intensely for the past couple months, so I feel like I can tame this beast.
Jeremy: A little intimidated… I mean, wouldn’t you be?
Tommie: Pumped and ready to devour the beast!
How long have you been training for this day?
Ian: Like I said, a couple of months…
Jeremy: My whole life, this is the moment I was born for. Anything that happened before today and anything that happens after does not matter.
Tommie: Haven’t. Don’t need to. I got this.
If one word could describe what’s going through your head what would it be?
Jeremy: Destroyed!! Everyone that knows me knows “DESTROYED” is my victory phrase.
If you were to compare the DBB to a mythical creature what would it be?
Ian: The great Minotaur of the Labyrinth of Crete. It’s horns being the grilled cheese sandwich buns that could very well be the weapon that keeps me defeating this monster.
Jeremy: After I conquer this burger I will wield it’s powers, much like the head of Medusa.
Tommie: Big Foot.
How much film have you watched on the DBB, and have you reached out to any of its former challengers?
Ian: I’ve watched much film on this challenge and I’ve tried my hardest to get into the minds of the past champions that have defeated this beast, like Sam “Surly” Sanders and Bob “The Belcher” Higgins, I will try to do them proud and support their honor.
Jeremy: None. I am a freelancer. I’m a professional. This will be a victory belonging to myself with no outside influences… Why? Do you have any tips?
Tommie: None. I got this!
Have you ever done anything like this before?
Ian: I have only ever tried amateur events held in local Waffle Houses and IHOPS, never anything that measures up to this feat.
Jeremy: Yes, this is the first time that I’ve done it without some sort of video camera, alcohol induced bet or girls to try to impress. This one is for me.
Tommie: No, but I still got this!
What is your strategy on gameday? Do you eat or do you hold out for the DBB tonight?
Ian: So far, I’m just trying to eat light until the event. Lunch will consist of 3 ribs left over from last nights training session.
Jeremy: I’ve been eating all day. It’s the same strategy that I use the week before Thanksgiving. People who starve themselves before an event like this are really hurting themselves. I hope none of my competitors are seriously injured, but that will teach them to step in the ring with me.
Tommie: I will run on the treadmill for 20 min. today, burn 250 cals. Yeah Baby!
Do you like jazz?
Ian: Only traditional, old-school jazz, not that free-for-all jam session crap that loops for hours and hours.
Jeremy: I do. I can’t tell you the name of one jazz artist. But I like it. Reminds me of the time I went to New Orleans and didn’t come back for 3 fuzzy months. I still don’t know what the happened there…
Tommie: Heck yeah. Nina Simone. Hello!
We all know about the challenge the DBB brings to the table, but have you left out or underestimated the dark horse that is the tots (served as a non-negotiable side)?
Ian: I’m sorry, but the cheesy-cheese goo covered fries + tots that accompany the super-stack heart attack burger are a mountain all on their own; I’m not sure if I can ever climb that.
Jeremy: That is actually my greatest concern. Tots tend to expand as you eat them and I don’t think my competition understands the seriousness of this tot-expansion.
Tommie: Yeah, but that doesn’t scare me or does it? I got to fart.
If you do conquer the DBB what will you do? (Please don’t say “Go to Disney World,” if anything Knotts Berry Farm would be a great choice)
Ian: I first plan on starting my 6 month tour around the southeast promoting my memoir, “The Monster in Me”, from there I plan on reaching out to the less fortunate and helping their abilities to eat large quantities of food, which should last another 6 months. After all is said and done, I will cast aside all of my earthly possessions and start my pilgrimage. Along the way I will join forces with the Dalai Lama and spread our powers of peace. Then, I’ll probably just have a Coke.
Jeremy: It will take several days to pass all of the cholesterol through my system, much like the time I chugged a gallon of ice cold milk. Strange things happen to your body after events like these. So I’ll be laying low for a while.
Tommie: Gloat in my victorious stomach pains.
One last question, do you have any questions?
Ian: No? Wait… Can I have a second to think about this?… Oh, alright…
Tommie: Yeah. Who had time to make this questionnaire. Get back to work.
So that’s what was racing through their heads before the match and here are some photos of what went down.
Ian and Tommie both finished their Double Bypass Burger, unfortunately Jeremy wasn’t so lucky and the beast did the taming. Although coming up short, Jeremy is still a winner, and Ian and Tommie will forever stand as reigning champions over the Double Bypass Burger.